Remy Porter

Remy is a veteran developer who provides software for architectural installations with IonTank.

He's often on stage, doing improv comedy, but insists that he isn't doing comedy- it's deadly serious. You're laughing at him, not with him. That, by the way, is usually true- you're laughing at him, not with him.

ABCD

by in Feature Articles on

As is fairly typical in our industry, Sebastian found himself working as a sub-contractor to a sub-contractor to a contractor to a big company. In this case, it was IniDrug, a pharmaceutical company.

Sebastian was building software that would be used at various steps in the process of manufacturing, which meant he needed to spend a fair bit of time in clean rooms, and on air-gapped networks, to prevent trade secrets from leaking out.


locurlicenseucesss

by in CodeSOD on

The past few weeks, I’ve been writing software for a recording device. This is good, because when I’m frustrated by the bugs I put in the code and I start cursing at it, it’s not venting, it’s testing.

There are all sorts of other little things we can do to vent. Imagine, if you will, you find yourself writing an if with an empty body, but an else clause that does work. You’d probably be upset at yourself. You might be stunned. You might be so tired it feels like a good idea at the time. You might be deep in the throes of “just. work. goddammit”. Regardless of the source of that strain, you need to let it out somewhere.


The Data Class

by in CodeSOD on

There has been a glut of date-related code in the inbox lately, so it’s always a treat where TRWTF isn’t how they fail to handle dates, and instead, something else. For example, imagine you’re browsing a PHP codebase and see something like:

$fmtedDate = data::now();

Classic WTF: Pointless Revenge

by in CodeSOD on
As we enjoy some summer weather, we should take a moment to reflect on how we communicate with our peers. We should always do it with kindness, even when we really want revenge. Original -- Kind regards, Remy

We write a lot about unhealthy workplaces. We, and many of our readers, have worked in such places. We know what it means to lose our gruntle (becoming disgruntled). Some of us, have even been tempted to do something vengeful or petty to “get back” at the hostile environment.

Milton from 'Office Space' does not receive any cake during the a birthday celebration. He looks on, forlornly, while everyone else in the office enjoys cake.


Classic WTF: A Gassed Pump

by in Feature Articles on
Wow, it's summer. Already? We're taking a short break this week at TDWTF, and reaching back through the archives for some classic stories. If you've cancelled your road trip this year, make a vicarious stop at a filthy gas station with this old story. Original --Remy

“Staff augmentation,” was a fancy way of saying, “hey, contractors get more per hour, but we don’t have to provide benefits so they are cheaper,” but Stuart T was happy to get more per hour, and even happier to know that he’d be on to his next gig within a few months. That was how he ended up working for a national chain of gas-station/convenience stores. His job was to build a “new mobile experience for customer loyalty” (aka, wrapping their website up as an app that can also interact with QR codes).

At least, that’s what he was working on before Miranda stormed into his cube. “Stuart, we need your help. ProdTrack is down, and I can’t fix it, because I’ve got to be at a mandatory meeting in ten minutes.”


Rings False

by in CodeSOD on

There are times when a code block needs a lot of setup, and there are some where it mostly speaks for itself. Today’s anonymous submitter found this JavaScript in a React application, coded by one of the senior team-members.

if (false === false){
    startSingleBasedApp();
} else {
    startTabNavigation();
}

Going on an Exceptional Date

by in CodeSOD on

Here’s a puzzler for you: someone has written bad date handling code, but honestly, the bad date handling isn’t the real WTF. I mean, it’s bad, but it highlights something worse.

Cid inherited this method, along with a few others which we’ll probably look at in the future. It’s Java, so let’s just start with the method signature.


Dates Float

by in CodeSOD on

In a lot of legacy code, I've come across "integer dates". It's a pretty common way to store dates in a compact format: an integer in the form "YYYYMMDD", e.g., 20200616 It's relatively compact, it remains human readable (unlike a Unix epoch). It's not too difficult to play with the modulus and rounding operators to pick it back into date parts, if you need to, though mostly we'd use something like this as an ID-like value, or for sorting.

Thanks to Katie E I've learned about a new format: decimal years. The integer portion is the year, and the decimal portion is how far through that year you are, e.g. 2020.4547. This is frequently used in statistical modeling to manage time-series data. Once again, it's not meant to be parsed back into an actual date, but if you're careful, you can do it.


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